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"..THOSE WE LOVE MOST and it grabbed me from the first page.."
—Gayle King,
O, The Oprah Magazine,
September 2012 

 

Lee Woodruff's 'real life" touches 'Those We Love Most'-USA Today, 9/5/12
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Tuesday
Nov012011

My Levis Cords

Anyone who came of age in the 70’s has dealt with the painful reckoning of their yearbook photo, or really ANY photograph from that time.  Hands down, it was the most hideous fashion decade of the last millennium, with the possible exception of being a man in the Court of Versailles or during the Victorian bathing era.                                                                                                          

Those were the days of hip-hugger elephant bell pants, granny dresses, quianna shirts with long, pointed collars, (what is quianna and why won’t it spell check?) mushroom cap hair for men or the long, straight butt-part Duane Allman do with bushy “swinger” moustaches and Farrah Fawcett bat wings and layers for girls.  These are just a few of the fashion-don’ts that made us Mod-Squad-cool back then.

But there is one item of clothing about which I do wax nostalgic. My colored Levi corduroys.  Price: $35.00, which was a lot of chinkaloopas in high school. I undertook hours of babysitting whiny, snot nosed kids and cleaning houses to pay for those cords. And then as a high school senior I bagged the job of grocery cashier, guaranteeing a regular income stream and a forced membership in the union.

I can still picture my stash of cords, folded in the bottom dresser drawer, lined up like muted earth colors of the rainbow, navy, gray, camel, maroon, dark green and pale blue. I liked fondling them, laying out what I’d wear to school the night before and rotating the colors to display my growing collection.

Back then I slightly favored the sky blue and forest green pairs, two shades which are still among my favorites. The more you washed, the softer and more supple they became. Unlike other relationships we have with our possessions and the need for the newest version, in the world of cords and jeans, more use equaled more cool.  In my upstate New York town, during our nation’s bi-centennial year, the entire look was topped off with the iconic plastic Goody comb stuck in the back pocket. The flip of those wings had to be perfectly maintained. We were good to go.

Those of you Levis jeans and cord wearers, lets pause reverentially to think about the leather tag stitched on the back right hand side of the waist, displaying your inseam and hip size like a butcher’s cut of meat.  Given the societal paranoia women exhibit over revealing their exact ages and dress sizes, this was a bold move.  We never thought about the fact that the pants were fitted for boys, that Levis had yet to discover a woman’s hips or come up with their brilliant concept of personalizing jeans to a woman’s body.  We never questioned the fact that we wore garments cut from the patterns of starving slim-hipped California Gold Rush miners. It was all about the uniform.  Let’s not kid ourselves, it’s no different today.  My twins are working me hard for those majorly expensive rubber rain boots that people once wore exclusively to muck stalls in England.

I was speaking at an event recently where there were a number of Levis marketing department employees in attendance, and it took a mere five minutes for us to devolve into fond memories of our cords.  We all recalled the pre-back pack years when high school halls were jammed with girls in shag hair cuts clutching books to their chests, all sporting the multi-colors of Levis from the waist down.

I honestly don’t know quite when the cords era ended.  I don’t remember outgrowing my pairs or taking them to college (although I must have) or even giving them away.  They may live still in some drama department costume closet or in a back lot in Hollywood waiting for a JJ Abrams-produced TV pilot.  They may have ended up on a container ship of second hand clothes to Africa, but the odds are they are long gone.

About six years ago, J Crew decided to trot out a line of colored cords and I was drawn to the bright display as I entered the store, the way a gambler heads to the black jack table.  It was instinctual.  I ran my hands over a pair of lipstick red ones and proceeded to make them mine.  They were a bold choice and a total embarrassment to my kids when I wear them, even now.   But I have to admit, in my cords I feel totally at home, like a younger, more sassy and plugged in version of myself.  Just wearing them takes me back to a simpler, less complicated time in my life, although even writing that sounds somewhat cheesy.  Perhaps if you came of age in the 70s you might understand what I mean.

On a recent weekend with some high school pals, we opened our yearbook from 1978, half-wincing, half awestruck at the absolutely awful styles that reigned.  It was so much worse than we remembered.  The haircuts, those head gear braces straps that wrapped around the skull (really? was that emotional scarring necessary?) the eye glasses (think Charles Nelson Reilly), the over-abundance of facial hair, the unibrows on Miracle Grow.  Don’t get me started.  Our black and white doe-eyed looks of innocence in the face of so many fashion crimes were cringe worthy.  How could we have been so oblivious?

There I was, standing with the rest of the year book staff, my loud polyester print shirt shining, my bangs feathered and curled back like the Flying Nun about to lift off.  And yes, there they were, my baby blue cords, slight flare at the leg, riding down on my hips, hanging over my wooden platform shoes. Total proof to myself and my children, that I had once been the living end, the absolute height of fashion.  

Sunday
Oct232011

Fun with Fungus..

I wanted to be a botanist until I got a C in college.   But I love plants and all the shades of green from spring to fall, make me content.  It feels good to grow things, even spiky old cacti cheer me up.  Cutting flowers and putting them in a vase just raise my endorphins.  But it's not just the pretty things.  I find the most interesting parts of nature are sometimes found under the leaves and on the fringes of the meadows and woods.  Some of the coolest things in nature are CREEPY.

As Halloween approaches, we're going to have a little fun with fungus.  These strange, slimy, smelly, elegant and cute little 'shrooms are just waiting to be named.  These photos were collected from hikes this summer in order to save them up for this contest.  So, make up a crazy Halloween name, enter it in the giveaways page here or above and at the end of the week you will win a Grow Your Own Mushroom Kit! (seen on Open Sky)

Happy Halloween! Lee

Mushroom 1.

 

Mushroom 2.

 

Mushroom 3.

 

Mushroom 4.

 

Mushroom 5.

 

Mushroom 6.

 

Mushroom 7.

 

Mushroom 8.

 

Mushroom 9.


Sunday
Oct162011

Consider the Breast..

For anyone who has ever tried to count the many ways we name breasts-- and for October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month-- here is a tongue in cheek take-- complete with some new terms updated from the Huff Po blog.......
 
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  As a tribute to all the brave pink warriors I love who have battled this insidious disease, and in honor of those I have never met, this is for you.  Laughter is the best medicine, and hope cannot be prescribed in CCs and IVs.  No one ever has the right to take away your ability to believe in miracles, and short of that, all of us deserve the opportunity to travel an uncertain journey with dignity.
 
So for everyone living with (or without) breasts.  What’s in a name?  Well, I’ll tell you……
 

BOSOM - There is nothing sexy about this term.  It’s Aunt Fanny in a cotton calico dress.  These are the giant pillows that little children lay their heads on at naptime.  Their two-car garage is a Double D white cotton Woolworth’s bra or other more complicated girdle-like pre-Spanx contraptions.  Bosoms are way more than a handful, no longer springy and probably covered with baby powder or enough perfume to air freshen a room.  

CLEAVAGE – OK, you’re right.  Cleavage isn’t actually a term for breast, but it’s a preview, a prelude to a kiss.  It’s the trailer to the movie.    Cleavage shows a little leg, it teases and offers a suggestion and the promise of more.  Cleavage is often preceded by the term “ample” and one customarily “sports” it.

HOOTERS - If breasts made noises, men must imagine they would hoot like a horn with joy.  Perhaps that’s how this mystifying nickname came into vogue.  But alas, like the giraffe on the Serengeti, breasts are silent creatures.  There is an entire adult restaurant franchise named Hooters (and their logo is an owl whose eyes are two boobs with nipple pupils) OMG—how fun is that??!!  LOL - And what clever marketing! Hooters connote the sexy librarian who takes off her glasses, lets her bun down and unbuttons her shirt. You go in for chicken wings and beer and end up with a face full of hooters!  This is party city baby.  If you’re hootin’ and hollerin’ around, this is the term for you.  No AA cups need apply.

BREASTS – An anatomically correct term for those moguls of fat over our lungs.  It’s more delicate to use this word, like a wide champagne glass.  “Breast” says classy, manageable.  You can even say breast in public.  Hell you can ORDER chicken breast in a restaurant.  It’s acceptable without being clinical or denigrating.  Breasts are the Limoges demitasse cups of the coffee world. 

TITS—This is farm animal territory, a rough and service oriented term.  Tits is two steps away from teats, a word that makes my utters shudder.  It might also apply to that stage of motherhood where nursing Moms under extreme sleep deprivation believe they may actually BE Bessie the Cow.  Attaching oneself to a breast pump that is vacuuming off your nipples can make a woman feel…well…manhandled, even testy.  And for  men who are too lazy to love and respect their women, this is the term for you.  Good luck getting a home-cooked meal.

BOOBS - This word says sorority girl collegial and locker room cheerful.  Boob just sounds fun, bouncy, no strings attached.  Boobs don’t have brains; they are ninnies, all harmless window dressing.  You can write and say the word boob backwards or forwards.  And fun, fun – yes, even men can have boobs too! (Increasingly known as “moobs” which is short for man-boobs)  The ambiguously ambidextrous quality of the word makes it a very safe and PC term in public.

RACK – This is flat out a dude’s word, most often associated with hunting or butcher’s cuts of meat.  I think of “rack” as in lamb, the small defenseless baby animal that gets slaughtered at springtime.  This is a gun-slinger’s term, but Rack also goes with “rack and pinion steering,” making it a fairly mechanical term too.  This nickname says  “I’m gonna pull out some tools and tinker under the hood to get this baby running.”  Be afraid.  And make sure he washes his hands.

TATAs – Kind of a nice way to messa ‘round.  This is a breezy, rapper, sing-songy word.  It should have a dance step named after it.  Even a toddler can say it. Tata is white bread and white rice soothing, no roughage or fiber to digest.  Moreover, the use of simple syllabic names means you can avoid the more clinical, scary and downright yucky anatomical terms that doctors use (cross reference anatomy of the male genitalia).  Among men this term is often preceded by the word “bodacious” for some inexplicable reason.

KNOCKERS -  Ouch.  This one is physical, the kissing cousin to another painful term “Speed Bags.”  Not good either, think WWF.  This calls to mind those perplexing old naked granny cartoons in Playboy or Hustler with torpedo shaped mammaries.  I also think nostalgically of National Geographic magazine tribeswomen  (pre-internet era porn for adolescent boys.)   Knockers say, “gravity has taken its toll.” It’s kind of a caveman/frat boy term for men at work—not play.  Be warned, this is not Olivia Newton John’s cheeky “Let’s Get Physical.”  Nothing warm and fuzzy lives in the land of knockers. 

YABBOS – Originally coined by Fred Flintstone in 700 BC,  archaeologists believed this term is derived from the phrase “Yabba Dabba Doo.”  This was the joy-like noise cavemen made while living among a tribe of mostly nude women wearing only furs and skins.  Early prehistoric drawings indicate Betty Flintstone was not particularly well endowed and, it is thought that Wilma was the original inspiration for this name.

THE GIRLS - This term is female retaliation, a smack down to guys who, quite perplexingly, name their male organs.  You know what I’m talking about here, it’s the sheer absurdity of pet names like “Big Pete” “Little Winky,” “Carlos” and “Darth Vader.”  This inexplicable custom validates the playful “buddy” relationship many men share with their body parts.  The Girls is a non-threatening, friendly term that promotes comfort with one’s own body.  Think of the chick flick “Bridesmaids” and that take-back-the-night lingo that makes us feel all Helen-Reddy-I-Am-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar.  This is also BFF speak, all cup sizes are welcome and there’s no hint of creepiness or sexism.  “I’m taking the girls out tonight,” means “I’m going to sport some contour.”  This is what happens when the old college sweatshirt comes off. 

In the interest of brevity, I’ve left out other classics and potentially denigrating favorites such as jugs, melons, hogans, cans, headlights, fun bags, goodies, yummies, milk duds, high beamers and gazongas.  And I encourage you to chime in with some suggestions of your own.   There’s no question that the names for our mammaries are as varied, descriptive and nuanced as the women who own them.

So for every friend- sister- mother- daughter- wife- lover- husband- child - partner- woman who has removed a lump, gotten a scare, lost a breast, had a mastectomy, taken care of, nurtured and said goodbye to someone who has brushed up against the evil of “The Big C” –  I salute you.  Stay in the race, and keep fighting.