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"..THOSE WE LOVE MOST and it grabbed me from the first page.."
—Gayle King,
O, The Oprah Magazine,
September 2012 

 

Lee Woodruff's 'real life" touches 'Those We Love Most'-USA Today, 9/5/12
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Thursday
Jun202013

Slowing Down Summer

It’s summer time.  And that means I’m going to be just a little bit quiet for the next eight weeks.

It’s time to finish this next novel that’s dragged on like a bad cold for the past two years.  The book tour in the fall and then on the road again in the first of the year- the joy of this paperback release were amazing opportunities to meet so many of you -- So thanks for your patience this summer in answering my website blog mail.

I will also be a little more subdued than usual on facebook, the twittersphere and all the other places I tend to express my opinions.

But never fear, I’ll be back with a vengeance in the fall, all charged up and ready to rumble.  Have a terrific and prolific—but most of all relaxing summer.

lee

 

 

Wednesday
May222013

The War Bike 

There’s a butterfly scar on my left knee that I refer to as my war injury.  It’s the legacy of a spectacular crash into a metal telephone pole support, while riding what my sisters and I fondly called “The War Bike.” 

 
The War Bike had been my mother’s childhood transportation in the years following World War II.  The wobbly, ox-blood frame had big, fat tires (not the chic beach bike tires of today) and an ungainly basket on the handlebars.  Think of bobby-socked British school children riding along a country road in the 40’s. My legs were just a touch too short to sit down comfortably, so I spent a lot of time standing up and pumping the pedals.  Riding it felt a little like piloting an ocean liner. 

 
It’s amazing that the bike survived all those years in my grandparent’s garage to make it to our little center hall colonial in Delmar, New York.  Objects today have a half-life of a nanosecond.  We throw something out with a dent or a scrape.  People were much thriftier back then; they repurposed things, recycled and re-used.  


Photo by Shane Henderson.
Riding the War Bike somehow connected me to a glorious past as I studied American history in school; one with freedom fighting revolutionary battles, brave Clara Bartons, the storming of Normandy beaches and concentration camp liberations.  War heroes were our country’s legacy.  They became leaders and achieved greatness back at home during peacetime.  In the 1960s of my childhood, we viewed ourselves as a country on a giant uptick, the defender of liberty, the right side of the cold war, a legacy of the Greatest Generation, of Ike and Kennedy and champions of world-wide liberty.  The War Bike stood for all of that, in some weird, inchoate way. 

 
In the waning years of the War Bike’s utility and our childhood fixation with it, another war was rearing its head; and older brothers were sent from our neighborhood to Vietnam when their draft numbers came up. That war came into our living rooms on TV and in “Life” magazine images; the weary GIs in bandages, naked children running from the burning village.  It was a very different conflict than the sweeping global wars that had preceded it and citizens protested, loudly questioning its purpose.  That criticism began to rip at the seams of America. 

 
When the young men and women came back from Vietnam, our nation marginalized their service.  We muted their experience.  It had been a divisive war, with no clear sense of victory. It simply wound down, with a heart-breaking black and white death toll.  

 
With Vietnam, there had been no national pulling together, no Victory Gardens or gas rationing, no Pearl Harbor attack to rally around.  And in its wake, we somehow skipped the welcome home.  Serving your country, enlisting in the military, had gone out out of vogue.  Veterans learned to pack their uniforms away, avert their eyes and shush up if questions arose.  You talked about it only in the right company, or not at all. We let down a generation of young people who returned.  We let down their families, their wives and mothers, their siblings and children, all of whom got a front row seat to bear witness to the ugliness of untreated internal wounds.  The psychological damage.  We didn’t know how to fix what we couldn’t see.  It was more comfortable for our nation to ignore their damage, their scars and their service.


Photo by SrA Christina Brownlow.
I don’t recall what finally happened to the War Bike.  It was eclipsed one birthday by a bright orange ten-speed with ram’s horn handlebars.  After that my mother’s bike was forgotten; an unfitting, embarrassing relic for a pre-teen girl. 

 
But dredging up those memories of my old self on the War Bike leads me to wonder how my own children view the concept of war.  What is their perception of serving their country?  How will they judge the present day conflicts with the benefit of hindsight and history?  And how, in the long run, will they treat those who have come home requiring a lifetime of assistance?  

 
With an all-volunteer military today, our children don’t have to ask themselves if they are willing to lay down their lives on foreign soil in service to their country.  And when I personally ponder the question, I must admit it is a sobering sacrifice.  As a mother, I’d have to think long and hard about that.


This Memorial Day, as we honor those who have given their lives, their limbs and their mental health and well-being when their nation asked them to go, let’s all take a moment to reflect on the real meaning of this holiday.   Regardless of your politics, our veterans and their families deserve our nation’s respect and gratitude.  We owe them the best chance to re-take the stage of their lives when they return home from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Take a moment of silence on Monday to remember them, and to remind your children and neighbors just what that means.  And then do something.  Take action.  It’s the best part of what it means to be an American.  Give time, give dollars, learn more, discover what families have served in your town, investigate what organizations are helping vets at the grassroots level. Volunteer.  Give back.  It doesn’t take a huge investment to show a veteran that their sacrifices count.


Photo taken by Stefan Radtke at Stand Up For Heroes, 2012, Remind.org. 



One place to start is www.bobwoodrufffoundation.org.

 
                                                
  
Wednesday
May082013

IN PRAISE OF THE UNCOOL MOM 

I always wanted one of those chatty, gabby mothers, the ones who set out the warm cookies and milk after school, eagerly hovering on both elbows to hear all about the day’s crushes, heartbreak and gossip.  I coveted the moms who begged to do their daughters make-up, twisted tresses into French braids and got excited about the latest elephant bell hip hugger jeans and platform shoes.

 
My mother was the exact opposite.  Our after school snacks were carrot sticks and celery.  Cranberry juice stood in for soda and there were no weekends spent trolling the mall for the latest shade of frosted pink lipstick.  My mom’s idea of a good time, her reward for a day of chores and household maintenance, was to curl up every afternoon with a book.

 
My mother is a smarty-pants.  An intellectual.  Her idea of a challenge was reading Will and Ariel Durant’s classic “A Story of Civilization.”  All eleven volumes.  I kid you not.  I proudly told friends in our upstate New York suburb that she had a master’s degree.  Take that, all you girls who’s Moms got the Mary Tyler Moore flip curl and culottes!  Her currency was never the latest hairstyle, although she did get a cropped “Beatles “ cut before I was born.  She wasn’t the interior decorating type, a serious cook or gardener. She was bookish. And she reinforced the importance of that by example, taking us to the library from a very early age.


When we were old enough to ride our bikes alone, I loved the grown up feeling of consulting with the librarians, having my own library card (so COOL!) and then placing the books in my bike basket for transport home.  I can’t quite articulate the feeling I still get walking into a library or a bookstore today. It’s a sense of endless possibilities and want.  Entering a fashion boutique on Rodeo Drive or Fifth Avenue will never carry the same thrill.   Books are a different form of acquisition, more lasting and fulfilling.  My mother taught me that.


I picture my mother now, absorbed in her book; feet propped to rest her “throbbing veins,” (GROSS! we’d mouth to each other) as the late afternoon sunlight knifed through the living room window onto the mustard colored rug (yes, it was the 70’s.)  The table was set for dinner; the roast was roasting, the vacuuming and dusting completed for the day.

 
Only now do I understand how reading buttressed her sense of individualism during the years when tending to our repetitive needs must have strip-mined her intellectual life.  Books nurtured her own flame, especially as she navigated through three daughters’ teen years (oy vey), bubbling with hormones, churlishness and delayed gratification.  It is in hindsight that I see how reading legitimized her presence among us.  Books were her “cover” as she stationed herself in the living room chair, her antennae alert without meddling; such an under-rated attribute in today’s world of micro-managed parenting and helicopter hovering.

 
I don’t ever recall her telling me what to wear, criticizing a friend or offering up opinions about the boys who cycled in and out of our hearts (especially the one with the red Camaro who reeked of Marlboros.) Adolescence is a desert landscape of shifting sands and petty hurts.  She was smart enough to recognize that the girl who excluded you from her birthday party one day is back as your bestie the next.  My mother taught me how to be the bobber on the fishing line, not the hook with the bait.

 
You absorb things as a kid—even when you are trying not to.  You tell yourself that when it’s your turn you will be a slightly different parent.  You will edit, accept and reject. You will change things from the way you were raised, do it your own way.  And sometimes you do.  But I understand now what she was up to, each afternoon as we walked in the door from school.  She was hanging back, holding her counsel and her tongue, being my parent, not my BFF.  She was mothering—not smothering—and she gave me the space to learn for myself, to make my own decisions, choices and mistakes. 



Now that I am a parent, working to instill a sense of well being and independence in frustrated by her occasional maternal indifference, I see that her approach required far more restraint than the dishy, tell-me-all tact.   Those afternoons she spent at home, quietly reading, were a gift.  They were an act of love equally as important as the love of reading.