LHJ-Let's Talk About Sex (And Why I'd Rather Just Go To Sleep)
September 11, 2013Excerpt from Ladies Home Journal, LHJ.com/Community/Your Stories
Okay, I'll say it: After four kids and 25 years of marriage, it's not easy to get in the mood for sex. My husband would disagree.
I can give you the play-by-play of my first date with the man I married: the Greenwich Village restaurant, our heads tilted in conversation as if drawn by magnets. I can recall exactly what I wore, how I asked him to zip up my dress when he arrived early, and the electric charge I felt as his hand grazed my back. I remember the long walk home, the urgent kisses on the couch -- all that ardor and passion.
Fast-forward almost 25 years. We brush our teeth side by side and climb under the sheets. The body pillow that I embrace to ease my back lies between us. (Bob calls it my boyfriend.) We murmur good night and within a minute I can hear his gentle snores. He knows that because I'm exhausted and a morning person, there is not a prayer he's getting any nooky tonight.
What happened to the sultry young woman who melted with just one meaningful glance from her husband? Where did she go? How did we morph from the couple who couldn't keep our hands off each other to a couple who need a monthly planner to even think about conjugal relations? To be honest, I can take or leave sex, and mostly I'd rather leave it. Oops, did I just say that? Read More..
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Reader Comments (6)
Just read your story in LHJ - wow, that could have been me writing the story! We've got 3 kids and 20 years of marriage.
Thanks for writing about something that SO many of us women feel.
My wife calls my body pillow "your girlfriend" LOL. Nice to know what her perspective might be on the topic of sex.
My husband and I recently took a brief up north vacation. I brought some reading material, including the magazine with your wonderful article. Perfect timing! Your words hit home. Thank you, as always, for putting words to thoughts so many of us have!
Deb
Thank you so much for this article. I have been beating myself up for quite some time about this. I absolutely adore my husband and he is the love of my life. Now I feel so much better that this is okay and there is nothing wrong with me. Thank you for making me feel normal again
Thank you Lee! It's about time we started being open and honest about the "real" expectations of marriage. I believe our society is setting our young couples up for failure. We are doing a disservice to young couples everywhere by not opening up and preparing them for what a true commitment means. This is life...just because you are not as lustful as the first few years, does not mean to throw in the towel and look elsewhere. Sex is NOT the End-All Be-All! Oops, did I just say that?
I believe we all are fully aware of this, but our media driven society is constantly ramming down our throats that we should be humping like rabbits! "50 Shade of Gray" was a fictional novel people, wake up! Ridiculous, it's time we got real. Your husband should be proud, Lee, it takes a gutsy woman to be the first to say what we are all truly "thinking".
After 31 years of marriage, four kids, my husband and I have the passion we did at 19! I crave him, he craves me and our body pillows are one another. It feels great to be in the minority, but sad to hear that many lose their desire for sex. Does that speak to the high infidelity rate and the divorce rate I this country? Something to ponder....Sex does not constitute love BUT when that biological urge comes and you're not in the mood, what do you suggest your partner do?